Cost Controls, Fine - But THAT'S Ridiculous
advertisment
More in BUSINESS NEWS
back-up- Top Firms Finally Hit By H1N1 Threat
- Top Firm Caught Out By Rogue Traders
- 'It's Not As If They Paid Great Bonuses In The First Place!'
- Top Firm Chain Letter
- Sisters Are Doing It For Themselves
- Dear All - 'I Am Not Interested' In Bank of America Job
- Bank of America, BNP Paribas, Goldman, JPMorgan, Galleon Group
- Old Traders Never Die - The Seance
- Click Here To Register For Free News E-Mail Alerts
- Speculation Mounts About Goldman's Bonus Plans
- Top Boss Tells Church Crowd 'Profit Is Not Satanic'
- Your Views On Bonuses (Poll Results)
- Bank of America 'Is Not A Monarchy'
- Bankers Will Have The Last Laugh On Pay
- 'There Aren't Many People Who Think Charlotte Is A Major Financial Center'
- Top Firm Delivers 'Another Big Disappointment'
- Bank Of America CEO Poll - Incredible Result
- Scruffy Civil Servant Warns Tax Dodgers
- BofA Said To Have Got Another Turn-Down
- Interview With Bernie Madoff
- Top Firm Dismisses Talk Of Further $10bn Writedown
- The Average British Soldier
- Top Firm Puts More Aside For Staff Compensation
- Firms On Alert As Insect 'Infestation' Crashes PC Networks
- Register Now For Free 'Old Traders Never Die' Updates
- Secretary Geithner's Written Testimony On Reform Of Financial System
- ISITC Europe Successfully Introduces New Operating Structure
- Dumb & Dumber - Incredible Details About Lehman Weekend Revealed
- The Cityboy Column
- The Man Bank of America Should Hire As CEO (But Won't)
- Goldman Needs To Give Away $1bn
- Top Firms Said To Have Lost $400m On Hedge Fund
- H1N1 Flu - Have You Got It ? (Quick Test)
- H1N1 Bank Call Center Transcript (You Couldn't Make It Up)
- 'It's Just No Fun Anymore!'
- Top Firm CEO Says He Won't Poach Staff From Rivals
- 'I Hate Recruitment Consultants' - Reader Comments
- Bohemian Bankruptcy
- 'I Hate Recruitment Consultants'
- Mack Attack - The Moment Big John Hit Back
- Compliance Training ? 'The Biscuits Were Good'
- Banker, Hire Thyself
- IT Recruitment - The Smart Way
- And Wall Street's Top Athlete Is...........
- John Mack On Saving Morgan Stanley
- Bankers Taught How To Be Killing Machines
- Banks Given Five More Days To Justify Bonuses
- Billionaire Madoff Investor Found Dead In Swimming Pool
- Top Bailed-Out Execs Averaged $18m Each In 2008
- The Vic Daniels Column - 26/10/09
The writing is already on the wall that, just like last year, trading conditions for investment banks have become more difficult after a relatively good start in the first quarter. Merrill Lynch boss Stan O'Neal has already referred to 'increasingly challenging market conditions in March' and JP Morgan President Jamie Dimon said the same thing in reference to his investment banking unit and the business climate in evidence so far in April.
It is not unusual when firms begin to worry about revenue that costs come under the microscope again. But CityNews has learned that one well-known investment bank is set to introduce Draconian cost-containment measures, which will radically alter the way staff are expected to operate at work.
Our journalists have uncovered a confidential memo authored by the chairman of a secret committee the firm formed earlier this year to review costs. The firm's Savings Advisory Committee (SAC) has completed its review and drafted a string of recommendations in a report, which the company CEO is believed to have already given the green light to.
Investment bankers will no longer be able to order taxis before they are ready to depart the office for client meetings. The bank has recognised that significant monies are wasted each week as bankers leave taxis outside, waiting on the clock, while they finish their lunches and argue on the phones with their wives. From now on, bankers will be expected to go out and hail a taxi in the street on leaving the office - just like the rest of the human race.
The staff canteen will continue to be subsidized, but, very soon, it will be the staff who will be subsidizing the firm. Prices are going up, higher than those paid in restuarants and sandwich shops outside, on the basis that staff should pay more for the convenience of being able to eat closer to their place of work.
Staff are also being asked to spend more time at their desks, working during the day. The bank has become concerned that staff are spending ever-increasing amounts of time on smoking and loo breaks. To overcome these problems, the bank has installed a sprinkler system in designated smoking areas, which will automatically come on and drench smokers who have been fagging for longer than the permitted five minutes.
Toilet cubicles have also been fitted with timer switches, and doors will automatically open five minutes after staff have entered to do their business. 60 seconds before the timer is triggered, the overhead lighting in each cubicle will flash intermittently, giving staff time to finish up.
Although the firm plans to continue to build its businesses and aims to bring on additional staff this year, external recruiters will not be used to source candidates, as the cost of hiring has become a big issue. Instead, members of the bank's in-house recruitment team will be expected to trudge up and down outside rival firms, wearing sandwich boards which extol the virtues of their bank, and handing out business cards to staff, in the hope of enticing them.
Finally, members of the firm's HR teams have been tasked with coming up with a 'balanced scorecard' for staff compensation, which takes into account not just contribution via revenue, but also considers the cost-savings initiatives staffers have been involved with throughout a bonus year. The bank also plans to induct all staff into its new Non Income Target Scheme (NITS) before the end of the second quarter.
Our journalists have uncovered a confidential memo authored by the chairman of a secret committee the firm formed earlier this year to review costs. The firm's Savings Advisory Committee (SAC) has completed its review and drafted a string of recommendations in a report, which the company CEO is believed to have already given the green light to.
Investment bankers will no longer be able to order taxis before they are ready to depart the office for client meetings. The bank has recognised that significant monies are wasted each week as bankers leave taxis outside, waiting on the clock, while they finish their lunches and argue on the phones with their wives. From now on, bankers will be expected to go out and hail a taxi in the street on leaving the office - just like the rest of the human race.
The staff canteen will continue to be subsidized, but, very soon, it will be the staff who will be subsidizing the firm. Prices are going up, higher than those paid in restuarants and sandwich shops outside, on the basis that staff should pay more for the convenience of being able to eat closer to their place of work.
Staff are also being asked to spend more time at their desks, working during the day. The bank has become concerned that staff are spending ever-increasing amounts of time on smoking and loo breaks. To overcome these problems, the bank has installed a sprinkler system in designated smoking areas, which will automatically come on and drench smokers who have been fagging for longer than the permitted five minutes.
Toilet cubicles have also been fitted with timer switches, and doors will automatically open five minutes after staff have entered to do their business. 60 seconds before the timer is triggered, the overhead lighting in each cubicle will flash intermittently, giving staff time to finish up.
Although the firm plans to continue to build its businesses and aims to bring on additional staff this year, external recruiters will not be used to source candidates, as the cost of hiring has become a big issue. Instead, members of the bank's in-house recruitment team will be expected to trudge up and down outside rival firms, wearing sandwich boards which extol the virtues of their bank, and handing out business cards to staff, in the hope of enticing them.
Finally, members of the firm's HR teams have been tasked with coming up with a 'balanced scorecard' for staff compensation, which takes into account not just contribution via revenue, but also considers the cost-savings initiatives staffers have been involved with throughout a bonus year. The bank also plans to induct all staff into its new Non Income Target Scheme (NITS) before the end of the second quarter.
Please use the 'E-Mail' button immediately under the article title to send this item to a friend.











