Job Application - A Friday Funny
More in BUSINESS NEWS
back-up- Top Firms Finally Hit By H1N1 Threat
- Top Firm Caught Out By Rogue Traders
- 'It's Not As If They Paid Great Bonuses In The First Place!'
- Top Firm Chain Letter
- Sisters Are Doing It For Themselves
- Dear All - 'I Am Not Interested' In Bank of America Job
- Bank of America, BNP Paribas, Goldman, JPMorgan, Galleon Group
- Old Traders Never Die - The Seance
- Click Here To Register For Free News E-Mail Alerts
- Speculation Mounts About Goldman's Bonus Plans
- Top Boss Tells Church Crowd 'Profit Is Not Satanic'
- Your Views On Bonuses (Poll Results)
- Bank of America 'Is Not A Monarchy'
- Bankers Will Have The Last Laugh On Pay
- 'There Aren't Many People Who Think Charlotte Is A Major Financial Center'
- Top Firm Delivers 'Another Big Disappointment'
- Bank Of America CEO Poll - Incredible Result
- Scruffy Civil Servant Warns Tax Dodgers
- BofA Said To Have Got Another Turn-Down
- Interview With Bernie Madoff
- Top Firm Dismisses Talk Of Further $10bn Writedown
- The Average British Soldier
- Top Firm Puts More Aside For Staff Compensation
- Firms On Alert As Insect 'Infestation' Crashes PC Networks
- Register Now For Free 'Old Traders Never Die' Updates
- Secretary Geithner's Written Testimony On Reform Of Financial System
- ISITC Europe Successfully Introduces New Operating Structure
- Dumb & Dumber - Incredible Details About Lehman Weekend Revealed
- The Cityboy Column
- The Man Bank of America Should Hire As CEO (But Won't)
- Goldman Needs To Give Away $1bn
- Top Firms Said To Have Lost $400m On Hedge Fund
- H1N1 Flu - Have You Got It ? (Quick Test)
- H1N1 Bank Call Center Transcript (You Couldn't Make It Up)
- 'It's Just No Fun Anymore!'
- Top Firm CEO Says He Won't Poach Staff From Rivals
- 'I Hate Recruitment Consultants' - Reader Comments
- Bohemian Bankruptcy
- 'I Hate Recruitment Consultants'
- Mack Attack - The Moment Big John Hit Back
- Compliance Training ? 'The Biscuits Were Good'
- Banker, Hire Thyself
- IT Recruitment - The Smart Way
- And Wall Street's Top Athlete Is...........
- John Mack On Saving Morgan Stanley
- Bankers Taught How To Be Killing Machines
- Banks Given Five More Days To Justify Bonuses
- Billionaire Madoff Investor Found Dead In Swimming Pool
- Top Bailed-Out Execs Averaged $18m Each In 2008
- The Vic Daniels Column - 26/10/09
Related Content
- What A Way To Lose Your Job! (15/10/2009)
- Look Who Goldman Turned Down After Job Interviews (21/08/2009)
- It's The Easiest Time To Get A New Job In Over 2 Years (07/10/2009)
- New Banking Rules Likely To Mean More Job Cuts, Less Pay (10/09/2009)
- Dear All - 'I Am Not Interested' In Bank of America Job (05/11/2009)
- Bankers Said To Face Daunting Test For Dream Job (06/09/2009)
This is an actual job application that a 75-year-old pensioner submitted to a large DIY chain in the UK.
They hired him because he was so funny.....
NAME: x x (Known to his friends as Grumpy B.stard)
SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will co-operate)
DESIRED POSITION: Company's Chief Executive or even Managing Director. (Otherwise, whatever's available).
DESIRED SALARY: $300,00 a year plus share options, perks and a Tony Blair style redundancy package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING LAST POSITION: It was a cr.p job.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here ?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what ?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be 'Do you have a car that runs?'
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Reader's Digest Timeshare Free Holiday Offer, so they tell me.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy Swedish supermodel with large bre.sts and who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
NEAREST RELATIVE?: 7 miles
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE ?: Oh yes, absolutely.
Please use the 'Email' button immediately under the title to send this item to a friend.
Please use the 'E-Mail' button immediately under the article title to send this item to a friend.
