At the time the job axe fell, I was devastated - and not just because I'd miss out on my bonus. Working at an investment bank had come to define my very being. Getting up early every morning after a few hours sleep, rushing off to work and putting in 12 hour-plus days seemed important. Heck, it made me feel important. Although I was only a junior operations clerk, I felt I was playing a vital part working for one of the best firm's on The Street. Even when my boss shouted at me, it made me feel good. It made me feel as if what I was doing must be important!

I got swept up in the glamour that for some reason is part of our industry. Every time I went out with my friends, I was the center of attention (none of them worked in the business). I was earning more money than them (I always played that up a bit, giving the impression that I made far more than I actually did, of course), and I glamorised my role at the firm, making my job settling trade tickets seem the most important function there ever was.

In hindsight, I was an idiot. In fact, I'm not sure that my friends really bought what I was saying, but my saying it bought them many drinks and evenings out over the last couple of years, as I could hardly boast about how much I was making and not put my hand in my pocket when it came time to get the drinks in!

It's only now, several months down the track, that I can see what a fool I was. Investment banks depend on people like me - juniors who make relatively little, who give there all without complaint, and who can be cast aside when the going gets tough. Even now I can't fully understand how I could have been so silly as to believe that the job I was doing was really valued. My boss used to shout at me not because I was an important part of his team, but because he was stressed out and had no one else to take it out on. I wasn't regarded more highly for getting in early and leaving late - it was expected. I never made that much money, even in my best year (I 'enjoyed' four years in the industry), and, when the firm could have done the decent thing and looked after me when it had to let me go, I was shafted.

I've got a job outside of the sector now and, although things are tight as the deteriorating economy is affecting most industries, I far happier. I still work hard, but under less pressure. I still care about what I do, but am less stressed out when I make an honest mistake. I remain concerned about job security, but I feel less vulnerable. I also think that my new employer would treat me more fairly in the event that the company had to let me go.

I don't see much of my old work colleagues - we don't seem to have that much in common anymore. But I did go back for another leaving drinks evening a few weeks back. None of them had changed - all were puffed up on the outside, and stressed out and scared witless on the inside. I didn't stay long that evening, and I doubt I'll be going back again for the next one. It all seems so pointless now'.

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