Working To Get 'Laid-Off' (Again)
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The general mood here is clearly grim (just as it is in most firms at the moment). But for those of us who are simply waiting around for a lay-off check, it's party time. Although I've never been one for office politics, I learnt to play the system a long time ago. The smart guys in our industry work hard, get stressed out and eventually move on up the corporate ladder - until they either get found out, or, most likely, burned out. The really smart guys, however, (and clearly I put myself in this category), do just enough to hang in there for as long as we need to, play the game, and move from firm to firm, picking up decent lay-off checks along the way; my next one will be my fifth! When I first realised that there was decent money to be made getting laid-off, there was a stigma attached to it. Not anymore, and I look back at each lay-off with extreme pride and fond memories at all the goodies they have brought me. If investment banks want to pay me a lot of money to do very little, and then reward me for their own failure by giving me even more big bucks as they shove me out the door, then that's fine by me.
My only concern this time, however, is one of timing. No-one wants to get laid-off before Christmas, as it's not a very good time to be without regular income. But, more importantly, it means you miss out on the essential year-end bonus (and getting a bonus this year will be even sweeter, as it will mostly come courtesy of the US taxpayer!).
So the coming few weeks are key for me, as I'll have to avoid the next round of job cuts, which started just a few days back. But I'm pretty confident that I'll survive into the New Year (the unit I'm in is actually making a bit of money - Lord knows how!). And that's the plan - make it into 2009 to bag the bonus, and then start angling for a pay-off. The market will probably look even worse in January, and my gullible boss will thank me profusely for pointing out to him that he could restructure his team and save on costs if only he gave me (and one or two others) severance. I'll then walk away with another decent wad, take a few months off until the market starts to recover, and then find another hapless investment bank to keep me in the style to which I have become accustomed. Then it's Groundhog Day all over again!
And, yes, I realize that I won't be able to do this forever - I'm already in my mid-30s. Some day even I'll have to get a proper job and grow up. Until then though, I'm happy working for an investment bank. God I love this country - The Land of The Me, and the Home of the Depraved'.
READER COMMENT:
1. 'This guy is a parasite'.
2. 'I'm happy that this clown keeps finding new jobs. I've been laid-off twice since May (from the same company), and it's no picnic. Over the summer, there were interviews to attend, so my hopes were up. This time around, I've been out for 4 weeks and only got one interview'.
3. 'This is just the sort of article that gives the industry such a bad name, and so upsets the vast majority of people who work in it (loyal, hardworking and nothing like as cynical). Shame on you!'.
4. 'A lay-off check would be my cue to dump this industry. It's been a long time since it was any fun'.
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