'How would we know even if there was a strike on ?', one of my friends asks. 'The bloody Mail is screwed up at the best of times'.

Royal Bank of Scotland is to outsource up to $2bn of back office and IT development projects to India over the next 5 years. Shouldn't the bank be required to keep these projects in the UK - at least until the British taxpayer is repaid ?

In a rush to get back into the house, I clip the car in front when parking. Leaping out, I head for my front door, when I am stopped by a passing police officer.

'Excuse me, sir. Did you know that you hit that car ?'.

'Yes officer', I reply, as I struggle with the key in the lock.

'Well don't you think you should at least put a note on the windscreen ?'

'No officer', I say, as I open the door.

'You do realise that it's illegal to just hit and run like that, don't you ?' he says, getting rather hot under the collar.

'Not if you own both cars it ain't', I point out, as I slam the front door shut.

Millions of men-on-heat have apparently been getting all steamed up trying to track down Chako Paul City, in Sweden, which is said to be the home of 25,000 'sex mad' lesbians. Well, first off, the town is a myth (that means it doesn't actually exist), and secondly, even if it did, they are lesbians..............

A former Alabama judge found himself in court this week, accused of bribing jail inmates to participate in whipping and sodomy sessions. Now we're all for making life a bit tougher for those in clink (and a bit of whipping might not go amiss on occasion), but sodomy is a tad excessive your honor.

Finally, a jury in Georgia has awarded a 53-year-old man $9m in damages after a treatment for erectile dysfunction left him with a stiffy for 48 hours, and permanently scarred his manhood. A spokesperson for the drug company said that this was 'rather hard to swallow'.

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