Proud To Be British

Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer. Then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way to sit on Swedish furniture, and watch American TV shows on a Japanese-made TV.

Only in Britain can a pizza get to your house before an ambulance, and do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back to get their prescriptions, while the 'healthy' ones can buy their cigarettes at the front.

Only in Britain do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke, and do banks have their doors open and their pens chained to the counters.

Only in Britain do we leave cars worth thousands on the drive and stuff our cheap lawnmowers in the garage.

And only in Britain are there disabled parking spaces in front of ice-skating rinks!

Finally, here's a lesson in estate planning.

When a young investment banker found out that he was going to inherit a fortune after his sick father died, he decided that he'd look for a woman to enjoy it with. So one evening he went off to a singles bar, where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

'I may look like an ordinary man', the banker said. 'But in a week or two, when my father dies, I'll inherit $40m. Impressed, the woman went home with the young heir that evening. Three days later she became his stepmother.