Comic Genius - Something For A Depressing Friday

Here are some famous sayings from late comic genius Tommy Cooper:

Two blondes walk into a building.......... you'd think at least one of them would have seen it.

Phone answering machine message - 'If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key..'.

A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts. The shrink says: 'Well, I can clearly see you're nuts'.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.

A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted:
'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!'. The doctor replied: 'I know you can't, I've cut your arms off'.

I went to a seafood disco last week...... and pulled a muscle.

'Doc I can't stop singing The Green Green Grass of Home'. 'That sounds Like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'. 'It's not unusual'.

Guy goes into the doctor's. 'Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my backside'.  'How's that ?'. 'Don't you start!'.

Two elephants walk off a cliff...... boom, boom!

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other 'Your round'. The other One says: 'So are you, you fat *******!'.

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

'You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.' That was nice.

A man walked into the doctors, he said, 'I've hurt my arm in several places'. The doctor said, 'Well don't go there anymore'.