'We Didn't Survive' - An Investment Banking Song

At first I was amazed,
But I was dignified

When Merrill offered me the job
I almost died

But I've spent the last few nights wondering just what went wrong
Our firm was strong
But I wasn't the boss for very long

There was just no way back
From Stan's bad place
I didn't have the time to write down all our toxic waste

I should have dumped it all at once
That really was the key

Then all those short sellers
Wouldn't have made such a fool of me

I thought we'd press on
I was pretty sure

Please believe me
I didn't see BofA coming through our door

But our firm stock, it soon went short
And the future, it looked real black

Like Lehman we'd get caught
And there would be just no way back

The name's John Thain (But I'm not to blame)
I thought we'd survive

Oh, now I'll soon be off
I'll be on my way

But I've got that real big bonus
Then there's my stock option pay

So I'll survive
I will survive, hey, hey

It took all the self-belief I had
To stay this strong

I even called up Goldman Sachs
To see if they would come along

And I spent all last weekend
Trying to do a deal

But I just can't lie
The fact that it's BofA makes me cry

Now this firm don't need me
You'll have someone new

Ken Lewis rules
That much is very true

Our staff will really feel the pinch
You'll soon be feeling blue

There'll be no more Merrill Lynch
No more jobs left for me and you

I thought we'd press on
I was pretty sure

Please believe me
I didn't see BofA coming through our door

But our firm stock, it soon went short
And the future, it looked real black

Like Lehman we'd get caught
And there would be just no way back

The name's John Thain (But I'm not to blame)
I thought we'd survive