Ronnie The Recruiter - The PSL Review
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'Never busier', Ronnie lied.
The severe young woman from Personnel looked over her glasses at him, clearly unconvinced. She was new, and this was the first time they had met.
'Tell me, Ronnie, exactly how would you describe your recruitment firm ? I've not come across you before,' she asked.
'Niche', he replied after deciding that that was the right thing to say. 'We're really a niche firm.'
'Oh', she frowned, 'We're really more interested in larger firms which operate across a number of markets.....'
'That's us,' Ronnie interrupted. 'We're niche, but in a general way.' His colleague managed to suppress a laugh, clearly enjoying Ronnie's gaff. 'We're experts in all areas. You name it, we do it. There aren't many firms around like us,' he continued triumphantly.
'So you're saying that you're a kind of general niche provider ?,' she shot back. 'Hmmmm.'
Ronnie nodded silently. He felt it best not to elaborate further.
'And how about your geographical coverage ?' She continued.
'Global.' Ronnie replied. 'We are a truly global firm'. He was clearly getting carried away now.
'But it says here that you only have one office........... in Croydon,' she exclaimed, pointing to the promotional literature he had given her earlier.
'I meant global reach,' Ronnie quickly said. ' We have a global reach.'
'From Croydon ?' she asked incredulously.
Ronnie nodded.
'And exactly how long has your firm actually worked with us?,' she not unreasonably asked.
'At least 10 years, Ronnie confidently replied.
'Then your corporate literature must be wrong. It says here that you were only formed in 2005.'
Ronnie smiled weakly. He wasn't sure that the meeting was going particularly well.
'And just how many people did your firm place with us last quarter, Ronnie', she asked, obviously already knowing the answer to her question.
He shifted uncomfortably in his seat. 'One,' he finally replied. 'But we did get another offer,' he continued in mitigation.
'One placement,' she agreed. 'But didn't we have to get rid of the candidate in his first week ? And you still tried to get your invoice paid !'
Ronnie flushed.
'I'm sorry to have to tell you that your firm came second from bottom of all the preferred suppliers in terms of performance in the last quarter.' She tapped her pen on her clipboard as if to make the point.
Ronnie perked up. 'That's better than last time,' he said. 'Last time we were rock bottom! So you can't say we haven't improved!'
'The firm that came below you this time went into liquidation during the second week of the quarter, Ronnie. They weren't that difficult to beat.'
'You'll have to do better next time or you'll be dropped,' she warned as she stood up to shake their hands, and signalled that the meeting was finally over.
'Phew! That was close,' Ronnie said to his colleague as soon as they exited the building. 'I thought that she was going to sling us off that bloody list there and then. I think it was the bit about being a general niche provider with global reach that won her over in the end, though. And I'm sure she fancied me - did you see the way she kept looking at me ? Now, how the hell do we get back to Croydon from here ?'
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